According to The National Cancer Institute Office of Survivorship says "an individual is considered a cancer survivor from the time of diagnosis, through the balance of his or her life." Others say a survivor is someone who is still alive five years from last evidence of disease.
I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a survivor. I don't know if I'm thankful for cancer, I'm not sure I believe cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me, and if I could rewind my life and live it without cancer? Well...that's a tough call. What I do know about cancer, is that it's been the greatest teacher. Going through cancer and surviving cancer does something to you. It forever changes the landscape of your life. I've learned hard, tough lessons about fear, death, strength, and fighting to overcome the odds. My perspective on life will never be the same. I've learned the best moment, the best time is right now. And if you want to go do something do it. No excuses. Although it sounds cliche, life is short, so get busy living it. So while, I'm not overly thankful for cancer, and I'm not sure cancer is the best thing that's ever happened to me...I am thankful for it's lessons. I'm thankful to have this hard-earned new perspective on life - a perspective that most people don't get in their entire lifetime.
I've also learned there's a fine line between being positive and being realistic. Cancer can and does come back. As my oncologist said: "It will continue to become more anaplastic as time goes on, that's just the nature of this disease. So what do you do now? Live your life." There's a balance between attacking life without living in fear that the cancer might come back. You can't live your life in cancer's shadow. Cancer can and does end lives. So will I die from brain cancer? Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe I just won't let it. So yes, there is a chance my cancer could come back, but I can still live my life and be positive in-spite of that. Some people have said to me that if you think your cancer might come back, or you think that you might die from cancer that that's being negative. For me, it's liberating. Yes, both are possibilities. I acknowledge that, and I move on. Am I going to live my life thinking that I'm going to die from cancer? HELL NO. I've also learned that people overcome remarkable odds. Overwhelming odds. So if they can do it, I can do it. I can hope against all odds. I realized that living my life in fear of cancer, in fear of dying is no life at all. And if I let that happen then cancer hasn't taught me anything at all...in fact it has won.
My oncologist also said that these tumours (with favourable genetics) can behave themselves for several years before treatment is needed again. And that's what he's expecting. So boo-yah! He obviously doesn't know who cancer is messing with here!
For a long time, I wondered what I am going to do once treatment is done? This past year I've just focused on staying well and getting through the treatment. And sometimes I feel like I've been given a pass, but it expires at some point. But then I realized, that I'm going to just simply live life. You know, business as usual. And because of cancer, everything I do from here on out, will be more meaningful, even more special, and even more of an accomplishment.
So cancer, hi, it's me Sarah. I think we should break up. It's not you, it's me. It's just really not working out. You're kinda controlling and selfish. Frankly, I don't think we're right for each other.
"Cancer changes your life, often for the better. You learn what's important, you learn to prioritize, and you learn not to waste your time. You tell people you love them. My friend Gilda Radner (who died of ovarian cancer in 1989 at age 42) used to say, 'if it wasn't for the downside, having cancer would be the best thing and everyone would want it.' That's true. If it wasn't for the downside." - Joel Siegel
I am a survivor.
